BIBLICAL MANHOOD & WOMANHOOD
SINGLE AND FREE
1 Corinthians 7: 1-40
INTRODUCTION
In our series on manhood and womanhood I have been trying to stress that
being a man/being a woman is not simply a matter of biology and physiology
but rather it is about our personhood. Each one of us is always either
a man or a woman. Maleness and femaleness are different and predispose
us to live life and to relate to one another in different ways. However,
many naturally think that these distinctions matter more if you are married
than if you are single. This is a false assumption and is the main reason
I want to talk about singleness. Ada Lum writes this about singleness,
"At any age the single woman needs to respect herself as a sexual
being whom God created. She is not less sexual for not being married.
Sex has to do with biological drive for union with one of the opposite
sex. Sexuality has to do with our whole personhood as a woman or
a man. It has to do with the ways we express ourselves in relation to
others." John Piper adds, "The point is that, married or single,
your manhood or your womanhood matters. You dishonor yourself and your
Maker if you disregard this profound dimension of your personhood."
Another reason I want to talk about singleness is because the church
in the U.S. tends to emphasize marriage and families and thus, inadvertently,
can become a very uncomfortable place for singles. Church culture tends
to view marriage as superior to singleness. I had a good friend who was
a gifted preacher with lots of pastoral experience among college students.
He was bright, a gifted communicator and personable. He believed God wanted
him to serve as the senior pastor in a church. He spent over 9 months
sending out his resume, filling out applications, interviewing in churches.
He was offered many positions as a single’s pastor or college pastor but
not one church was willing to hire him as their senior pastor. It was
painfully obvious to him that the reason was because he was single. We
would often joke that Jesus and Paul wouldn’t be able get hired as a senior
pastor in any American church because they both were single.
We are going to look at singleness this morning by looking at a chapter
in the Bible that addresses some of the issues surrounding singleness.
However, in examining 1 Cor. 7 we come face to face with a host of problems.
Our first problem is that we are jumping into the middle of a letter with
no knowledge of what has gone before or what follows. We are confronted
with one of the primary reasons I prefer to work my way through books
of the Bible from beginning to end rather than deal with texts in isolation
from their context. A second problem we have in coming to this text is
that Paul is dealing with a problem that is very particular to the church
in the city of Corinth, Greece in A.D. 55. There is a particular historical
setting that prompted this chapter. You can see this at v. 1 where he
says, "Now for the matters you wrote about." What matters did
they write about? In v. 26 he says, "Because of the present crisis
I think it is good for you to remain as you are." What is the present
crisis?
The third and perhaps most difficult problem we face as we read this
passage is our own biases and interests. This chapter, as you heard as
Dave read it, deals with issues that are of great interest to all of us.
It talks about sex, marriage, divorce, remarriage, courtship, engagement
and other "practical" issues. It is addressed to married people,
widows and widowers, Christians who are married to non-Christians, divorced
people, single people, engaged couples and others. Our problem is that
we have all sorts of questions that we are interested in regarding these
subjects that may or may not have anything to do with what Paul is trying
to say. Therefore, we must be very careful to seek to find out what Paul
is trying to say before we ask him to answer the questions we are interested
in. I want to talk about singleness today, and while this passage has
a great deal to say about singleness, yet that is not the main point of
the chapter.
The final problem we face in this chapter lies in the problem of translation.
You can see the problem quite clearly in the very first verse of 1 Cor.
7. You’ll need to look at your Bible at this point. The NIV translates,
"Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to
marry." Notice in the margin it translates the second half of the
verse by putting quotations marks at the beginning and the end of the
sentence, which reads, "’It is good for a man not to have sexual
relations with a woman.’" The NAS translates it literally and thus
ambiguously by saying, "Now concerning the things about which you
wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman." While the NAS
has the exact translation, what does Paul mean by this enigmatic phrase?
Here’s how I want to approach this chapter. I am first going to give
you the setting and context of the chapter. In doing this I will settle
what v. 1 is talking about because what you decide about v. 1 will color
how you read the rest of the chapter. Then I am going to identify the
major themes of the chapter. What is the primary thing that Paul is concerned
with? Finally I will make some applications to the issue of singleness.
First, let me give you the setting of this letter. Paul planted the church
in Corinth. He spent almost two years preaching the gospel there and establishing
this church. He has been gone from the church for some time. Previous
to writing this letter he had received news that things were not going
well in Corinth. There was a growing movement to reject Paul and his gospel
in favor of a more "spiritual" from of Christianity. He had
received news about these changes and written a letter previous to this
one. They in turn had written him back. About the same time he received
their letter he was visited by some trusted friends from Corinth who gave
him more details as to what was going on. From the letter and from their
report Paul could see that there was some real trouble in Corinth. A large
portion of the church was turning away from him and his gospel. So he
wrote this first letter to the Corinthians to confront and correct the
numerous errors in theology and practice that had arisen in his absence.
Throughout the letter he is responding to the problems he knows about
and the letter they wrote.
He refers to their letter at several points in his letter. The NIV helps
to note the places at which he is quoting their letter by using quotation
marks. Note their use in 6:12 & 13. The debate in 7:1 is whether the
statement, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman" is Paul’s
own statement or is he quoting their position? The NIV treats it as if
it is Paul’s statement and then goes on in the rest of the chapter to
translate in a way that makes Paul strongly prefer celibate singleness
to marriage. In fact, if we read this chapter as the NIV has it, it would
be hard to see Paul as viewing marriage as anything more than a way to
keep people from having illicit sex. As the NIV stands it would seem that
God prefers celibate singleness and tolerates marriage. It is through
a misreading of this chapter that the monastic way of life came into being
and forbidding priests to marry became required.
However, it seems to me that it is far better to translate this phrase
as the NIV margin has it, with quotation marks, "It is good for a
man to not have sexual relations with a woman." Thus Paul is quoting
a position held by the Corinthians. Without going into all the details
of why they held this position they in essence were saying that if you
were going to be a really good Christian then you would not engage in
sexual relations. Truly spiritual Christians have no need for this earthly,
bodily pleasure and so do not practice it. This was not a suggestion.
It was a law. This meant that they were teaching married couples to not
have sex. Some of the people in the congregation were getting divorced
because they couldn’t stop themselves from having sex as married couples.
Some, who were married to non-Christian spouses, were divorcing their
spouses because if sexual intercourse defiled you, then sexual intercourse
with non-Christian spouses was doubly defiling. Engaged couples were in
a quandary as to what they ought to do. Engagements were being broken
off because celibate singleness was so superior to marriage.
Ideas have consequences and this idea was having profound and chaotic
consequences in the social life of these people. Paul has to answer their
position. But what makes it tough for him is what he says in vv. 7, 25-26
& several other places. "I wish that all men were as I am."
"Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord but I give a
judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the
present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are."
From Paul’s point of view, in light of the present crisis, celibate singleness
has some advantages over marriage. His problem is that he agrees with
their position in certain cases and for certain reasons. But he violently
disagrees with the reasons they prefer celibacy and the way they apply
it. (Note: celibacy is more than just refraining from sexual intercourse.
It means to live life in such a way that you never intentionally
stimulate sexual desire in yourself or in another person.)
How does he deal with their theology and the chaos it is bringing to
people’s lives? Is there any overarching principle that he applies throughout
the chapter? I wonder if you noticed when Dave was reading three places
in this chapter where Paul seems to lose his train of thought? Just follow
along with me through the chapter. In vv. 2-6 Paul is addressing married
people and telling them to have sex. Then, in v. 7, he inserts this strange
idea that he wishes everyone would be like him, that is single and celibate,
but he realizes God gives different gifts. In vv. 8-9 he addresses widowers
and widows. In vv. 10-11 he addresses Christian couples who are thinking
about divorce. In vv. 12-16 he addresses Christians married to non-Christians.
But then notice in vv. 17-24 he talks about circumcised and uncircumcised
people and then slaves and freedmen. Then he goes back to talking about
virgins in vv. 25-28 & 32-38, but in between he talks about those
who mourn, are happy, buy things and use things. In vv. 7, 17-24 and 29-31
he is setting out the principles that are leading him to say what he says
about their problem.
I want to look at 4 principles that guide Paul in his response to the
Corinthians. Then I want to see if we can’t make some sense out of what
he is saying about celibate singleness.
I. God not only makes people Christians but places them in the circumstances
in which they must live like Christians (vv. 17, 20, & 24)
It’s hard to miss Paul’s emphasis here, in vv. 17-24, on God’s sovereignty
over all of your life. The phrase "God has called" in vv. 17,
20 & 24, refers to God’s act of creating faith in his people. This
is the same phrase Paul used earlier in 1 Cor 1: 22-24. Notice that in
those verses Jews cannot accept the idea of a crucified Messiah and Greeks
can’t imagine that a man dying on the cross could gain them eternal life.
But, there are some Jews and some Greeks whom "God has called"
who find the crucified Jesus to be the power and wisdom of God. How is
it that if all Jews find Jesus to be a stumbling block and all Greeks
find the gospel foolish that some Jews and some Greeks find him irresistible?
The simple answer is that God calls them.
This call that Paul is referring to is not simply the declaration of
the gospel with an invitation to believe in Christ. Rather it is the work
of the Holy Spirit creating what this general call requires. Christians
in an earlier day named this call, "God’s effectual call". As
our catechism defines it, "Effectual calling is the work of God’s
Spirit, Who convinces us that we are sinful and miserable, Who enlightens
our minds in the knowledge of Christ and Who renews our will. He thus
persuades and enables us to embrace Jesus Christ who is freely offered
to us in the gospel." It is the work of God creating in us what he
requires of us. The best illustration I know of this call is in John’s
gospel where he records the raising of Lazarus from the dead. Remember
the story? Lazarus has been dead for 4 days and Jesus comes to his tomb.
He has the stone rolled away and then he gives a command to Lazarus. What
good does it do to give a dead man a command? For you and I commanding
a dead man makes no difference. But when Jesus commands Lazarus, "Lazarus,
Come out!", Lazarus obeys the command and comes out in his grave
clothes. How did that happen? How did a dead man obey a command? God’s
command creates what he commands by the work of his Holy Spirit. This
is how everyone who is a Christian became a Christian. We were spiritually
dead, then God commanded us to repent of our sins and believe in Christ
and then he gave us new hearts that repented and believed.
In v. 17, Paul says that the God who commanded you to repent and believe
and enabled you to obey that command also put you in a set of circumstances
where you are to live out that call. It is no accident that you are Jewish
or Gentile, slave or free, male or female, married or single. It is no
accident that you are widowed or married to a non-Christian or living
in the family you are living in. It is not an accident that you have the
job you have, live in the house you live in. These circumstances are the
place the Lord assigned to you and the circumstances he wants you to live
out your Christian life in. As we’re going to see in a minute Paul is
not forbidding changing the circumstances of your life. We’re not fatalists.
Rather, he is assuring each of us that the God who loved us and gave his
son for us and sent his Holy Spirit to us, is in control of the details
of our lives and we ought not to chafe under them thinking there is a
better life to be had through other circumstances. Which leads to the
next principle.
II. Living as a Christian is all that matters because being a Christian
is the best thing that can ever happen to you (vv. 19, 22-23, 35)
Notice the end of v. 19. The circumstances of your life is not what matters,
what matters is obeying God’s commands in the circumstances you are currently
in. This is so contrary to how we think. We are constantly saying things
like, "If only my husband would understand me better, then I would
be a happier Christian. If only I lived in a different house or a different
neighborhood, then I could really obey Christ. If only I had different
parents then life would be good." "If I had a different job
then I could be a better Christian." Paul slams the door on this
kind of thinking. Look at vv. 20-23. "Were you a slave when you were
called? Don’t let it trouble you." Is he crazy? How can you not let
being a slave trouble you? He says that being a slave cannot stop you
from enjoying your salvation in Christ. Living as a slave cannot interfere
with your enjoying the only freedom that truly matters, being free from
sin and the condemnation of sin. Christ gave his life for your sins and
set you free so if you’re a slave, don’t worry about it. Live out the
freedom Christ gave you. Then he says in v. 22, if you’re free, don’t
depend on your freedom to make you happy. Enjoy the happiness of being
Christ’s slave above all else. For the Christian the external circumstances
of life have nothing to do with making you a Christian or of your being
able to enjoy Christ. Being a Christian and enjoying Christ are all
that truly matter in this world.
This is the opposite of what Paul’s opponents were saying. They were
teaching that whether you were married or not, having sex or not determined
whether you were experiencing the Christian life as God intended. Paul
here says, no, obeying God’s commands is not restricted by or enhanced
by your social, religious, sexual or economic status. Then notice how
he repeats this in v. 35. All that he says here is so that we will be
able to live in undivided devotion to the Lord. Do you see how single-minded
Paul is? He’s not saying that your social status and the circumstances
of you life don’t matter at all, he is simply saying that they have nothing
to do with whether or not you can know and love and obey God. This is
what life is about and so don’t get so bent out of shape as to your marital
status or your economic status or whatever.
Are you consumed with living the Christian life in the circumstances
you are in or are you consumed with altering the circumstances? Do you
spend your time asking yourself, "how does God want me to love him
and others in these circumstances?" Or do you spend time asking,
"how I can escape my present circumstances?"
III. Don’t change your circumstances or status because you think you’ll
be a better Christian (vv. 1, 7, 17-24, vv. 27-28)
First I want to make sure you see that Paul is not teaching some form
of fatalism. He is not saying we can never change our status or circumstances.
In verses 8-9 he tells widowers and widows that they should remain single
like him but if they cannot control themselves they should marry. In v.
15 if an unbelieving spouse leaves, the believing spouse should not seek
to stop him or her. The believing spouse should allow himself or herself
to become a divorced person. In v. 21, right after he tells the slave
that being a slave shouldn’t trouble him he tells him that if he is legally
able to become free, he should do so. In vv. 28, 36 and 39 he tells various
kinds of unmarried people that it is fine if they get married. Again,
Paul is not a fatalist. However, he is very clear that your motive for
changing your circumstances is what matters.
The particular false motive that he is opposing throughout this is that
a person should be celibate (whether married or not) because celibacy
puts one in a higher spiritual category. If you are celibate, then you
are closer to God, experience more of his life and are living on a higher
spiritual plane than others. The corollary to this claim is that to engage
in sexual behavior, even though married is sinful. He contradicts this
in a couple of ways. In v. 7 he shows that his celibate singleness and
the sexual activity of married people are both equally gifts from God.
In vv. 17-24 he shows this to be a false motive in that obedience to God
is not dependent upon social, economic or sexual status. In v. 28 &
37 he is contradicting the false teachers claim that to get married and
enjoy God’s gift of sexual relations is sinful. He clearly states that
getting married is not a sin.
There are many people who continue to think in the same false ways that
the Corinthians did. Some still believe that singleness is a spiritually
superior way to live. Others would say that married life is spiritually
superior. I’ve met people who would say that not using birth control is
spiritually superior and that using it is sinful. Some believe that home
schooling is superior and all other kinds of schooling are sinful. Others
say that public schooling is superior and isolating your children in private
or home schools is wrong. Some are convinced that being a missionary or
pastor automatically makes you closer to God. Some parents think scheduling
your baby makes you godlier while others that demand feeding does so.
The ways in which Christians try to make their own particular lifestyle
choices "God’s choices" are endless. Paul would say that the
lifestyle choices you make don’t matter, what matters is obedience to
God in the particular lifestyle choices you have made.
IV. God gives everything necessary for living as a Christian, no matter
the circumstances (vv. 7-9)
In v. 7 Paul recognizes that the reason he is able to enjoy being single
and celibate is because God is giving him this as a gift. He is able to
remain sexually pure, while single because of the grace of God not because
he has some sort of superior personality or willpower. He also recognizes
that the reason married people are able to faithfully love God and live
married is because God graciously gives them the gift of marriage. He
is not jealous of married people and he does not view himself as superior
to them. He knows that God places each person in the particular circumstances
of their life by grace. By grace he gives to each person what is necessary
to live as a faithful Christian in those circumstances.
When we are jealous of others or proud of ourselves we are despising
God. We are treating God as if he does not love us and/or that he is not
powerful enough to give us what we need to live faithfully in the circumstances
we are in. Jealousy and pride are chief evidences that we are not living
by faith. We are not living as though our circumstances have come from
the hand of a loving God. We are acting as though he has not given us
what we need in order to live for him in the circumstances he has given
us.
V. The gift of celibate singleness, in view of the troubles of this
life, has unique possibilities for loving and serving God (vv. 7-9 &
25-28, 32-35, 38, 40)
Paul has gone to great lengths in this chapter to affirm marriage. Marriage
is not sinful. It is not spiritually inferior to celibacy. It is a gift,
just like celibate singleness. However, we cannot avoid that, as far as
he is concerned, celibate singleness has some features that make it more
advantageous in the present situation. We need to give a few minutes thought
to what he is driving at.
First, I want to be sure we understand what it means to be a single that
is celibate. Let me destroy a common misconception that is based on a
misreading of vv. 8-9. In v. 9 Paul tells single people "if they
are not exercising self-control they should marry for it is better to
marry than to burn." How should a single person decide that he does
not have the gift of celibate singleness? If a single person cannot stop
themselves from engaging in sexual immorality they should get married.
The only legitimate place to fulfill your sexual desires is within monogamous
marriage. Paul says that marriage is better than living single and burning.
What does he mean by the word, "burn"? He is referring to the
suffering and pain that a person who is not restraining their sexual desires
will bring into their lives. In many places in the Scriptures God warns
of the destructive forces that are unleashed when a person lives in unrestrained
lust. Listen to these verses from Proverbs, "For the lips of the
adulterous drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the
end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go
down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought
to the way of life…" The burning Paul is referring to is the suffering
that comes to the lives of the sexually unrestrained now and of the final
suffering that will come in hell if there is not a successful battle waged
against this lust. One of the major weapons God has given in the war against
lust and sexual immorality is monogamous marriage. What Paul is not saying
is that the way you know you should be married is because you have a strong
sexual desire or experience sexual temptation. Those who have the gift
of celibate singleness experience sexual desire and temptation. It is
not the absence of these things but the ability to happily resist. Finally,
if you are not controlling your sexual appetites it is not because God
has not given you the gift, it is because of your own sin. God will give
all you need to resist if you will seek him. We’ll be talking more about
this next week.
So why does Paul wish that all people were as he is, single and celibate?
It is not because it is morally or spiritually superior. It is not because
God is in any way commanding it. Why then? In v. 26 he says it is because
of the "present crisis". In v. 28 he says, "those who marry
will face many troubles in this life and I want to spare you this."
Then in 29-35 he goes into an extended explanation of what he means by
this. If you’ll permit me to simply summarize what seems to me to be the
main point that Paul is making. As Christians, this world is not our home.
We are soon going to be living for an eternity of time in an entirely
new world that Christ has won for us by his death and resurrection. Therefore,
while we live in this world we must be careful that we do not live as
though this world is our home. We are to view life in this world like
we do our campsite when we go camping. When you go camping for a weekend
you don’t build a house and move all your furniture into it. You sleep
in a tent and make do with what is available. The campsite is not your
permanent home and so while you make it as functional as possible there
are a lot of things you don’t do because you know this is temporary. We
all know that it is easier to camp as a single person than as a married
person with a family.
The single person has this advantage over the married person. The single
person does not face the same pressures to make a home in this world that
marriage and family places on the married person. Both married and single
people are tempted to be attached to this world and both are commanded
to use the world in a way that does not make full use of it. But the single
person does not face the same emotional pressures to make a home in this
world. Paul prefers celibate singleness for those who are able to embrace
it so that they can be more focused on God and on the life to come. Married
people are not exempt from this command; Paul simply says they are going
to have a harder time obeying the command. That is why if you can live
as a celibate single, then do it, but if you decide to marry, you have
not sinned. This is not to say that singleness is without its problems
but that in this limited way it has advantages over the married state.
If you are single, are you using the gift of singleness for the purpose
of pursuing God? Or are you using it like our culture does, as an excuse
to not grow up and take responsibility for your life? A month or so ago
Jared, my oldest son called me up in great distress. He was working 80
hour weeks, living alone and all his friends were out of town. He felt
very lonely. While he was expressing his frustration with being alone,
I found myself feeling a little jealous of him. I told him that he should
stop lamenting his condition and use it for good purposes, like giving
more time to reading and praying and serving others. I told him I would
give anything to have the time he had to read and pray and serve others.
My life feels at times so hectic and out of control. I am as responsible
as he is to live in dependence upon Christ and to not make my home in
this world. However, being married and having a family puts pressures
on me that Jared does not have as a single man. I do not resent this.
I am very happy for the life God has given me and am going to seek to
trust him and obey him in this setting.
© Copyright
2001 John Swanson.
You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material
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