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PARENTING LIKE PAUL1 Thessalonians 2:7-13INTRODUCTION I am doing something this morning that we rarely do here at River Hills Community Church. I am preaching a sermon this morning on parenting because today is Mother’s Day. We think it unwise to permit the culture and the interests of humans to dictate what the church talks about. That is why we aim to work through the Bible book by book, taking all in its turn, so that we hear all that God wants to say to us and not just listen to what we think is important. What would happen in a family if the parents only talked with their children about the things their children wanted to talk about? For their own good, children should not set the agenda for what their parents talk with them about. In the same way, we want, in our preaching, to recognize that God sets the agenda, we don’t. However, God made families and he has ordained that parents “bring up their children in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Therefore it is not wrong for us to talk about parenting this morning. It is particularly appropriate on this morning, as we’ve just dedicated two sets of parents and children to this great work. Originally, because this is Mother’s Day, I planned on just talking about mothering. However, the text I chose to speak from mentions both mothers and fathers so I’ve changed the title of the sermon to, “Parenting Like Paul.” From the time of the Reformation the Christian family has been recognized as a “little church.” J.I. Packer in his book, “Quest for Godliness: The Puritan Vision of the Christian Life,” in his chapter about the Puritan view of marriage and family quotes John Geree in a 1646 tract describing the Christian father, “‘His family he endeavored to make a Church, both in regard of persons and exercises, admitting none into it but such as feared God; and laboring that those that were born into it, might be born again to God.’” Packer continues, “To the Puritans, family life was enormously important, for ‘a family is the seminary of church and state and if children be not well principled there, all miscarries.’ So ‘keep up the government of God in your families: holy families must be the chief preservers of the interest of religion in the world.’” The Puritans, following Luther, Calvin and the other Reformers put such a strong emphasis upon the centrality of the home as a primary institution of Christian education and development because they saw it in the Bible. One of the ways the Bible expresses this is by the enormous use that the apostle Paul made of the parent-child metaphor in his description of his relationship to the churches he planted and the men he mentored. It is a safe and necessary assumption that if Paul continually describes himself in the language of parenting then parents will find in Paul a model for parenting. In our text today Paul says he was both like a mother and like a father in his ministry to the Thessalonian church. Therefore, by considering what Paul says here about himself, we will discover something of how we are to parent. Whenever parents hear a talk about parenting, inevitably one of two things happens. Either they are overcome with guilt, despair and fear for their children because they fall so far short of God's ideal or they pat themselves on the back for the great job they are doing or have done. The former are closer to the truth than the latter. There are no perfect parents. Every parent has fallen far short of glorifying God by their parenting and deserves condemnation from God and children. Yet, amazingly, God loves us and forgives because he accepts the life and death of Christ in our place. Amazingly, God actually uses our paltry and half-hearted attempts at parenting to work a miracle in our children. Children actually become Christians and not criminals even though they've been parented by such inconsistent and hypocritical people like us. God gets all the glory both for his willingness to love failed parents and to convert poorly parented children. One of the ways God's grace comes to us is through his word holding in front of us the ideal so that we know which direction to go by the empowering of his Holy Spirit. If you are not a parent, why should you listen this morning? First, much of what this text teaches relates to every calling of God, not just parenting. Second, all of us have a vested interest in parents being successful because we are a family. So if you are not a parent here is what you should be praying for those among us who are and what you should be encouraging them to pursue as you love them. While Paul is describing his method of ministry in these verses, it is in chapter 1 that he describes the ultimate cause of why his method was effectual. If we asked Paul, what is the ultimate reason that anyone who you minister to embraces Christ and joins with Christ’s church, what would he say? Would he say it was his hard work, or their good hearts? Look at 1 Thessalonians 1: 2-4. “We always thank God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers. We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. For we know brothers, loved by God that he has chosen you because our gospel came to you not simply with words but with power, with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction.” Paul would say that ultimately the reason that these people are living the Christian life is because God chose them. That is why he thanks God for their work, labor and endurance. Their love for God is ultimately the result of God’s work in them. However, Paul understands that the way that God’s grace comes to people is through his work and preaching, his behaving like a mother and like a father. The Bible teaches that the ordinary way that people become Christians is through the work of Christians. The ordinary way that children become faith-filled adults is through the faithful work of godly parents. The ordinary way that people in churches grow in their faith is through the faithful toil of godly pastors and elders. When children or members of congregations go wrong it is right for their parents and pastors to examine themselves to see if they have been faithful to do all that God would have them do because in the mystery of divine sovereignty and human choice, there often, though not always, is a connection. Paul, in 1 Thessalonians 2: 6b-13, explains what kinds of parents and pastors/elders God ordinarily uses to promote the spiritual welfare of children and the members of congregations. MAIN POINT God ordinarily uses the work of parents and pastors/elders when…I. They are motivated by tender, joyful affection (vv. 6b-8) Verses 7 & 11 are the reason that I have titled this morning’s message as I have. Paul sees his work as an apostle/pastor as the work of a parent. He is like a mother and he is like a father. He is describing the ordinary way that God does his extraordinary work of bringing his people safely to heaven. Notice that Paul understands his position in relation to these people. He is an apostle. He has been specially chosen by Jesus to represent him. He has real authority. He can demand that people submit to him and that they provide for his physical needs. This is his right as an apostle. There are occasions when he exercises his authority, which you can see in 1 Thess. 4: 1ff. In the same way, parents also have real authority over their children. They have a right to demand certain things from their children, that their children are divinely commanded to obey. However, notice what Paul says, he doesn’t assert his authority, instead he is gentle with them and cares for them as a nursing mother cares for her little children. This is one of the most tender and affectionate relationships that exist. The tender care that a nursing mother gives to her child is the ultimate expression of affection. I’ve lived with a nursing mother on six occasions and I can tell you that for the first year, her attention is given primarily to this little baby. She is attentive to the baby’s every need. She daily sacrifices her own time to provide for the needs of the baby. Her tone of voice and language is soft and soothing and full of delight and affection for the baby. She does not expect the baby to meet her needs; she meets the needs of the baby. There is an emotional bond and a concentration of attention and effort that is rarely duplicated in any other relationship. Paul says this is the way he views those he is leading. This is the way that every parent and every elder ought to give attention to his or her children and the members of his congregation. Then notice in v. 8 that Paul sandwiches his description of what he does, preaches the gospel, gives away his life, between two statements of his affection for the Thessalonians. I want you to notice the relationship between Paul’s joy and his love for them. He says that because of his love for them he is delighted to work on their behalf. Paul’s labor and sacrifice for these people is not begrudging but glad, not dutiful but delightful, not resentful but rejoicing. Love is not merely doing good for someone else. Love is delighting to do good for someone else. If you don’t delight in the one you are doing good to and delight in the good you are doing, you do not love them, no matter how altruistic your actions may appear. Children and adults respond to leaders who love them, who delight in doing them good, who enjoy their company. True love enjoys the company of the beloved and finds joy in their joy. When we know that people take joy in our joy, we trust them, we respond to them. Children and adults do not respond well to those who are harsh and demanding. They do not respond well to those who resent the good they are doing. Parents who complain about their children and who are continually looking for ways to spend less time with their children can count on not having any influence in their children’s lives. Pastors who complain about the members of their congregation, who look for ways to avoid people and don’t delight to be with the people are not going to have any influence in the lives of those entrusted to their care. Do your children know that you delight in them, that you enjoy their company and that you delight to do them good? Or do your children only hear about how much they are costing you and how many sacrifices you are making for them? Do you perform the tasks of parenting grumbling under your breath or rejoicing in your service for the benefit of your children? Are you harsh and demanding or tender and affectionate in your parenting? God ordinarily uses the work of parents and pastors/elders when…
II. They passionately communicate the gospel (vv. 8, 9 & 13) The central work of Paul was the proclamation of the gospel of Christ. His passion was to make sure that people heard, understood and then embraced the truth of God. This is what he communicates over and over in his letters and statements. “I consider my life worth nothing to me if only I may finish my race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me , the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.” It’s quite obvious that this is to be the passion of every elder as well. The only churches that are going to flourish are those where the leadership of the church has as their central conviction and passion the teaching and preaching of the gospel of God. Additionally, I am persuaded that Paul’s use of the mother and father metaphor in this passage and in numerous other passages lets us know that this also must be the central concern of every parent. I do not think it is a random occurrence that Paul uses the metaphor of parenting in this and other passages. He is reflecting the OT understanding of the parents as the chief educators in the lives of their children. He is simply picking up on Deuteronomy 6 where parents are commanded: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength. These commands that I am giving you today shall be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home, when you walk along the road; when you lie down and when you rise up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.” I ought to be able to say to the children in our church as they move into adulthood what Paul said to Timothy in 2 Timothy 3: 14, “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” Timothy’s father was a non-believer but his grandmother and mother were faithful Christians. It was they who made sure that he, from infancy, knew the word of God. So Paul could remind him to continue to pursue Christ through his word just as he had been doing since he was a baby. There is nothing wrong with parents making sure their children learn the skills involved in a sport or in playing a musical instrument. It is not wrong to want your children to excel academically or to learn a trade. It is not wrong to want them to be moral, hard-working and responsible people. However, if you are a Christian parent, your greatest ambition ought to be to teach your children the truth of God’s word, the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. There is absolutely nothing in our culture and very little in any of our own upbringing that encourages the parental duty of teaching God’s word to our children. I know that few of us feel adequate to the task. Many of us feel more ignorant than our children. You don’t have to be able to answer every question or know every nuance of Christian teaching. You must, by your investment of time and energy expose your children to God’s word and encourage them to join you in the lifelong joy of seeking to know Jesus Christ in and through his written word and his church. God ordinarily uses the work of parents and pastors/elders when…
III. They model what they expect (vv. 9-10) In verse 9 Paul exhorts them to remember how hard he and his companions worked while they preached the gospel to them. The work he is referring to is the manual labor he and his companions engaged in for the purpose of providing for their physical needs. In other words, while they could have required the Thessalonians to provide them with food and shelter because Jesus commands that “The worker is worthy of his wage”, Paul worked around the clock so he could preach the gospel, “free of charge” as he says in 1 Corinthians 9. Why does he want them to remember how hard he worked? There are at least two reasons. First, his hard work is one of the chief evidences of the authenticity of the gospel. He didn’t get anything from them for his preaching. His preaching “free of charge” shows the truthfulness of the gospel. Nobody does what Paul did unless they are compelled by a joy greater than that of getting fed. Nobody works two jobs when you don’t have to. What could motivate this kind of effort except the joy of belonging to Christ and of helping others to know the joy of belonging to Christ? When your children see you deny yourself the pleasures of this world in order to love them and to teach them the gospel, the truthfulness of the gospel is impressed upon them. However, if your profession of faith in Christ is not accompanied by any difference in your life, they will question the authenticity of the gospel. But a second reason he wants them to remember how hard he worked is actually found over in Paul’s second letter to the Thessalonians. Look at 3: 6-10. (Read it). Paul worked this hard because he wants them to know that this is how Christians ought to live. Christians are hard-working. They do not depend upon others to give them free things but they work to provide for themselves. Work is not something to be avoided but part of God’s will for every able human being. So Paul worked hard to give them an example of the kind of lifestyle that should characterize Christians. He is not simply communicating truth to be believed but a life to be lived. Then in v. 10 he reminds them of something else they witnessed in Paul and his companions. They watched as they lived holy, righteous and blameless lives among them. The point here is that they lived with Paul and watched him up close and personal. They saw how he lived in his relationship to God and to man. They saw that he was blameless in both spheres of life. Again, why does he call their attention to how he lived? So that they will imitate him and live the same way. Paul knows that both parents and elders will never influence those entrusted to them unless there is a correspondence between what they say and how they live. Hypocrisy is easy to spot and hypocrites do not win people to their position but turn them away. Jesus said this of the religious leaders of his day, “…they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” If you wonder why your children are not doing what you tell them to do it could be it is because you are not doing what you tell them to do. Parents and pastors must always be evaluating their own lives and comparing them to what they are telling others to do. That is the negative side but the positive is that people learn how to live right by watching others live right. I have learned to do lots of things simply by watching others do them, not because anyone ever explained to me how to do them. My dad is a carpenter and I spent a lot of time working with him both around our house and out on jobs he would get on the weekends. I don't remember him ever explaining to me how to do things. I’ve done quite a bit of work on our home without anyone ever telling me what to do. I’ve simply done what I used to watch my dad do. Even things I never saw him do I have been able to figure out because watching him gave me the skills to learn how to do new things. Parents and elders understand the power of the example and use it to show children and the members of their church how to live as a Christian. Let me put in a plug for the importance of having our children with us in the worship service. You cannot discount the power of your children seeing you enjoying and worshipping Christ. Whether they understand everything that goes on or not is not the point. The main point is that they see you seeking Christ by prayer and listening to his word. If they aren’t with you, they cannot see you and you lose one of the most powerful forces for good you have in their lives, your example. God ordinarily uses the work of parents and pastors/elders when…
IV. They have the right goal (vv. 11-13) In v. 11 Paul reminds them that he and his team of church planters dealt with each of them individually. Each member of the Thessalonian church had personal conversations with Paul or one of his teammates. Again, this is something that every parent and pastor knows. If children and church members are going to be influenced to follow Christ it will require regular, personal, face to face conversations with each member of the family or church. The language of encouragement, comfort and warning characterized these conversations. These three words are full of energy and passion. When Paul talked with these people personally he was not just shooting the breeze. He was intense. He cared about what they knew and didn’t know. He cared about how they felt about the things of God and about other people. He saw himself as responsible for the spiritual health of all those God gave to him and he bent his every effort to build them. There is a false idea in the psychological world of parenting, that if you intentionally try to communicate truth to your children you are violating their personal liberty. You cannot cram things down their throats. In fact, if you try you will end up turning them off. That is a lie from the pit of hell. If you do not personally talk with your children about the gospel and about Christian living you should not expect your children to know the gospel or to embrace it. Notice the goal that he was aiming at in their lives. His goal was that they live in a manner worthy of God who called them into his kingdom and glory. I want to reflect for a minute on what exactly that means. First, what does it mean to live worthy of God? The term “worthy” does not mean that you are able to earn God’s favor or that you in some way obligate him to reward you by your performance. Rather, the word means that there is a correspondence between two things. The word originally meant that the two sides of a scale were evenly balanced. There is a way of living that corresponds to the profession of faith in Christ. What Paul is saying here is not different from what a mother says to her daughter that is wearing her best dress. When you wear a beautiful dress you don’t run through the mud, you don’t slouch in your chair, you don’t play in the sandbox. There is a way of conducting yourself that is worthy of or corresponds to the dress you wear. What Paul is saying here is no different from what a coach says to his players. If you want to play the game and win then you will eat right, get enough sleep, hit the weight room, come to practice, do what he says, etc. There is a way of life that corresponds to being part of the team. But note that the God they are to live worthy of is the God who “calls them into his kingdom and glory.” How does this help us understand what Paul is saying? First, the calling that Paul is using here is the same kind of calling that Jesus did when he called Lazarus out of the grave when he had been dead for four days. Lazarus was dead and Jesus called out to him, “Lazarus, come forth.” Dead men cannot obey commands. Yet Lazarus came out of the tomb. How did Lazarus obey this command? The power to obey was in the command. So it is in the case of everyone who is a Christian. We were dead in our sins and then when we heard the gospel and the command to repent of our sins and believe the good news, we did so because the power to obey the command was in the command to believe. The word of God, by the power of the Holy Spirit gave us life and so we believed. But then the calling we received is a calling into “his kingdom and glory.” God called us out of the deadness of our sins, out of lives destined for eternal hell and separation from himself into a kingdom ruled over by himself and full of his glory. The language of Paul focuses our attention on two things. First, while we have come out of Satan’s kingdom and have been placed in the kingdom of God by the work of Christ, yet we are not experiencing that reality in its fullness. The fullness of the kingdom is yet to come. So to live in a way that corresponds to this God who calls us into his kingdom and glory means that we live as if we are on a journey to heaven. We have tasted of the heavenly gift but we do not yet possess it. Therefore, we live as strangers and aliens. Our citizenship is in heaven and we are waiting for a Savior from there. This means that we live here, now like we live when we go camping. We enjoy the pleasures of the place but this is temporary. We don’t build permanent structures because we know we’re going to tear it all down and go home. Our focus, our expectation is not a happy life on planet earth but on living with God forever in heaven. Parents aim to teach their children not to live as if enjoying all the pleasures of our affluent culture is the goal of life. We aim to teach our children that the goal of life is not getting a good job, a good wife, and a good house. The goal of life is to make it safely into God’s eternal kingdom. The second thing about being called into his kingdom and glory is that it is “his” kingdom and glory. God himself is our treasure. The gospel is not simply about escaping hell and living a guilt free, healthy life enjoying our favorite leisure activities forever. The gospel is about gaining God, about being his child. We are called to be taken up with God as he is revealed in the person of Jesus Christ. Think of it this way, if you’ll let me change the metaphor a bit. When a woman is “called” by a man to be married and she agrees the two of them immediately set about the task of planning a wedding ceremony. There are a million details that have to be worked out and they spend a great deal of time and money to make sure the ceremony is a happy and fun experience for all. However, what would you think if, at the end of the wedding ceremony the bride says to her groom, “That was sure fun. Thanks for a great day. I really enjoyed that. I’m moving to California. Hope you have a nice life?” What’s wrong with that picture? What’s wrong is that the aim of marriage is not enjoying a wedding ceremony but enjoying another person for life. You have a wedding ceremony in order to enter into a permanent relationship with another person. In the same way, we are called by God out of sin and death and hell, not so that we don’t experience those things but so that we know him. He is the point. The reason Christ died and that you are forgiven and reconciled and justified is so that you can enjoy God forever. Parents and elders are not merely aiming at moral reformation. We are not working for well-adjusted, psychologically healthy children and people. We are not simply working to produce good, law-abiding, hard working, tax paying citizens. We are seeking, through our teaching, modeling, encouraging, comforting, and warning to get our children and members to yearn for Christ more than they yearn for anything else. Parents and pastors will only be effective when they keep the right goal in front of them; when they will not be satisfied until their charges are taken up with the glory of Christ and live as if heaven were their home, not earth. God ordinarily uses the work of parents and pastors/elders when…
© Copyright 2006 John Swanson.
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