BIBLICAL MANHOOD & WOMANHOOD
PASSION UNDER CONTROL
1 Thessalonians 4: 1-8

INTRODUCTION

This morning we are going to talk about S-E-X. We are in the midst of a series entitled Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. We are seeking to answer the questions: What does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a woman? What difference does it make in our homes, our church, our society and our entire lives? We have made the point that our masculinity and femininity are not simply about biology and physiology and sexual desire but about our personhood. However, we cannot ignore the fact that sexual desire is part of our humanity and therefore part of our sexuality. While men and women may approach sexual desire and intimacy differently, we all are aware of and influenced by sexual desire.

The problem I face this morning is that there is so much variety in the sexual experiences and desires of those to whom I am talking. Some of you are just beginning to experience those strange new feelings and desires to be with and to touch a person of the opposite sex. Some of you are overwhelmed on a daily basis with raging sexual desire. The sexual desire of some of you has waned over the years and is not of much concern to you anymore.

Many of you have had more than one sexual partner. Many of you who are married were not virgins when you were married. Some of you are consumed with guilt because of past sexual experiences or present sexual obsessions. Others of you are defiant and cannot believe that I would even think to tell you how you ought to behave sexually. Some of us have been abused sexually and any discussion of sexuality is frightening or confusing or both. Some of you have secret sexual desires that scare you and humiliate you and fill you with self-loathing. All of us think incorrectly about our sexuality because we live in a culture that is inundated with false thinking and teaching about human sexuality.

I presume that you know that we live in a culture that is obsessed with sex. In the last 10 years the sexual content of Prime Time television has skyrocketed. Over $10 billion dollars are spent on pornographic materials each year. Virginity, quite frankly, is viewed as abnormal in our culture. Less than 1 out of 4, unmarried, 18-20 year olds are virgins. The average age of first intercourse for boys is 16 and for girls is 17. In his book, "Why Wait?" Josh McDowell tells the story of two high school girls having a fight. The final coup de tat in the argument was when one girl said to the other, "Well you’re just a…a virgin!" In the past 50 years, virginity has gone from something to be proud of to become a word of contempt.

God has a lot to say about sex. In fact, sex is a major topic in the Bible. The fundamental thing that God says about sexual desire is that he made it and he made sexual intercourse within monogamous marriage as the natural and pleasurable fulfillment of that desire. God calls sexual desire and sexual intimacy in marriage very good. It is precisely because God is the creator of sex that we ought to pay careful attention to what he says about the use of this good gift. To ignore what God says about sex is as foolish as climbing into the seat of an F-16 fighter jet without being trained to fly it. You are going to discover that what at first is quite exhilarating can only end in disaster.

What I am going to say today about how we respond to our sexual desires is founded upon one cardinal principal. God is good and what he commands is always for my good. In 1 Thessalonians 4:3 we are told that God’s will for us is that we avoid sexual immorality. Then, in v. 4 the command is stated positively, "each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable." Then in v. 5 it is again stated negatively, "not in passionate lust, like the heathen who do not know God." What this means is that the happiest, most pleasure filled life is the life that avoids sexual immorality, which is not ruled by passionate lust. The happiest life is the life where a person controls his or her own body in a holy and honorable way.

Our first order of business is to make sure that we understand the command. What is sexual immorality? In many places in the NT it is paired with adultery and so refers to premarital sex or sex with a prostitute. In other places it stands alone as the summary word for any kind of illicit sexual activity including adultery, premarital sex, homosexuality, etc. What President Clinton did with Monica Lewinsky is sexual immorality. The Greek word is "porneia" which is the root from which we get pornography. In v. 7 there is another word used as a synonym for sexual immorality. The synonym is impure. As I have studied the various ways these words are used in the Scriptures I have put together a summary description of what constitutes sexual immorality or impurity. Sexual immorality is, "Any intentional behavior or thought that is designed to stimulate and gratify sexual desire in myself or another person, unless that behavior is with my spouse." I could get more specific and list behaviors that constitute sexual immorality but that would not be appropriate in this setting. I am trusting that you will apply this definition and not simply ignore what I am saying. There is a holy and honorable kind of modesty that ought to be the standard of behavior between men and women who are not married to each other. There is a way of acting and dressing and speaking to one another that is holy and honorable and there is a way of acting and dressing and speaking that is sexually immoral.

I know that some of you are saying to yourselves, "You’re nuts!" Some of you probably feel the same way the writer of a letter that John Piper received after he wrote a letter to the editor in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune criticizing condom ads on the local television stations. "My girlfriend and I have lots of good sex together. We think your ideas are repressive leftovers from the Victorian era that make people neurotic and miserable. We think our sexuality is part of our personhood, and not to enjoy it is to be incomplete people. We have no intention of getting married to meet the expectations of any puritans. And we think a life of slavery to virginity would mean being only half human." What the Bible says to you is that the God who made you, who gives you every breath you take, who gave his Son for your sins commands you for your own good to avoid sexual immorality. All of God’s commands regarding our sexuality are given for the same reason that we see here in 1 Thessalonians 4…

MAIN POINT

The pleasure of sexual purity is infinitely greater than the pleasures of unrestrained sexuality because…

I. Only the sexually pure please God (vv. 1-2)

Verses 1-2 are more powerful when you know something about how this church in the town of Thessalonica came into existence. In the book of Acts we are told that Paul spent about a month in this town in central Greece teaching every Saturday in the local Jewish synagogue that Jesus was the Son of God and the Savior of the world. Many people in this town abandoned all hope of gaining eternal life apart from Jesus and gave themselves to him in faith and love. But, after a month, a small, but influential group of people in town, who didn’t like what Paul was teaching stirred up a riot and had Paul driven from town. After they were safely away he sent his apprentice Timothy back to Thessalonica to make sure they were doing OK. Then Paul wrote this letter to them after Timothy returned to him and reported on their spiritual condition. What is striking about vv. 1-2 is that Paul indicates that what he is about to tell them he told them during that month he was with them. In other words, Paul views God’s command to avoid sexual immorality as an integral part of what it means to be a Christian.

He also believes that even though they are doing well in this area that they need to be reminded to press on, to do even better. While I am sure that many of you are engaging in all manner of sexual immorality there are probably as many who feel this is an area they have under control. But God would say to you, "I want you to do better, to press on to greater holiness." Sexual purity isn’t just about what you don’t do, it also is about what you do. If you’re married how are you treating your spouse in this regard? If you’re single how are you relating to members of the opposite sex? How are you responding to off color jokes? If you’re a parent how are you doing on teaching your children about sexual purity? What kinds of things are you watching in your home? There isn’t a person in here that couldn’t do better.

But then notice that the primary reason Paul believes they ought to press on in their obedience to his instructions is so that they will please God. According to v. 2, Jesus has made it plain what kinds of things please him and those are the things that Paul has instructed them in. One of those things is avoiding sexual immorality or, positively, being sexually pure. The presumption of Paul is that Christians want to please God and that pleasing God is a source of great joy. To know that the God who made you and who will one day be your judge is pleased with you is an infinitely happy thing. Nothing matters more than this. On the day you die the only thing that will matter to you is whether God is pleased with you. But even now, knowing that God is pleased is a joyful thing. Listen to what Martin Luther, the great Reformer wrote in his book, "The Freedom of the Christian". He said every Christian ought to think like this:

Jane and I, as you know, just celebrated our 25^th wedding anniversary. I wanted to make sure that she was pleased with what I got for her. Well, I was fortunate in that one of Jane’s friends let me know a couple of months ago something that Jane had seen in a shop here in Janesville. They were shopping together and Jane pointed out this little figurine of a swan with a boy and girl bear riding on its back. I was so excited to be able to buy and give it to her. As soon as she woke up on our anniversary I gave it to her because I couldn’t wait. She was so very pleased to receive it. Her pleasure in my gift filled me with pleasure. Why did her pleasure in my gift fill me with pleasure? I love her. Nothing makes me happier than making her happy because I love her. Sexual purity makes God happy. The reason God gives you life is so that you will live a life that pleases him. The reason God sent Jesus into this world to live a perfect life and to die on the cross is to make a people who are eager to please him. Don’t you want to know the eternal joy of pleasing God? Be sexually pure.

The pleasure of sexual purity is infinitely greater than the pleasures of unrestrained sexuality because…

• Only the sexually pure please God
• And because…

II. Only the sexually pure know God (vv. 3-5)

I became a Christian at the end of my junior year of college. Then during my senior year I lived in the resident hall and was the Resident Assistant for a group of about 30 men. I was very open about being a Christian and regularly found myself engaged in conversations with the guys on my floor about the Christian faith. As you can imagine, sex was a popular subject. Guys were constantly grilling me about why I was so committed to not having sex until I was married. Most of the reasons I gave them for waiting had to do with the practical benefits of being sexually chaste. I talked about things like avoiding sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. I talked about avoiding the heartbreak that comes when you’ve been sexually intimate and then you break up. I talked about not being ashamed to talk with my children in the future. I talked about wanting to give my virginity as a gift to my wife. All that is good but those are not the best reasons for being sexually pure. In fact those reasons are barely mentioned in the Scriptures. The main reason to be sexually pure is so that you can know God.

Do you see what Paul says in v. 5? The reason people are sexually immoral is because they do not know God. You cannot be sexually immoral and know God. Not knowing God is the primary cause of sexual immorality. Knowing God and being sexually immoral do not mix. According to v. 8, sexual immorality is the rejection of God. Jesus said it this way in Matthew 5, "Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God." Purity is one of the conditions for seeing or knowing God. The Scriptures show that our willful ignorance of God is the cause of all sin but it makes this connection with sexual sin more than with any other particular sin. I don’t think the reason is hard to understand. God made us for the purpose of loving him above all else. He made us so that we would delight in knowing him and find our chief and highest happiness in being in loving fellowship with him. Sexual gratification resembles the delight we are to find in him. We can reject knowing God as the purpose of our lives but we cannot escape the fact that knowing him is what we were made for. You can say, "I don’t need God" but you can’t escape the fact that you need God. So, we seek for the closest counterfeit. For many people, especially men, sex is that counterfeit.

But this also shows us the way to overcome sexual immorality. I know that many of you are struggling against lust and sexual immorality. The way to overcome illicit sexual desire is to replace it with a greater pleasure. The highest of all pleasures is knowing God. Paul’s not talking about mere head knowledge, but the kind of knowledge that lovers have of one another. It’s the kind of knowledge that sports fans have of their favorite players. It’s the kind of knowledge that gardeners have of flowers. It’s knowledge that delights in the knowing and is full of affection for the object or person that is known. So the way to overcome sexual immorality is to pursue, with all your might, all your happiness in knowing God. What you will discover is that as you grow to know and delight in God, the hold of sexual sin on your life will weaken until it is completely broken.

Jane and I just recently watched the movie, "Family Man". There is a scene in it that captures what I’m trying to say so well. The main character, Jack, is a successful, Wall Street trader. He’s young and rich and lives in a posh apartment in downtown Manhattan. He drives a Ferrari. He’s single and can have any woman he wants any time. In the opening scenes that give the background, he is saying goodbye to a beautiful blonde at his apartment. It is obvious they have spent the night together. As she is leaving he asks if he can see her the next day. She says no because it is Christmas and she is going to a family gathering. That night, Christmas Eve, after Jack goes to sleep, an angel transports him into what his life would have been like if he would have married his college sweetheart. He wakes up in a rumpled bed with a child jumping on him in Christmas morning excitement and a dog licking his face. The next few weeks are hilarious as he adjusts to this new life that he has been thrust into. During the time he lives with this family that could have been his own he comes to love his wife and his children and this life that is so vastly different from his real life. Well, eventually the angel who sent him into this alternate life shows up and returns him, against his will, to his real life. He goes to sleep one night next to his wife and wakes up the next morning in his Manhattan apartment, alone, no wife, no children. He is devastated. But before he can do anything the doorbell rings. When he opens the door, there is the beautiful blonde. He only asks her what day it is, it’s Christmas, and then runs by her to find the woman he should have married. He has no interest in the sexual pleasures this woman offers because he has found a higher pleasure.

The way to be sexually pure is to pursue a higher pleasure, the pleasure of knowing God. When you do you will find it just as easy as Jack did to ignore the temptations to sexual immorality because you’ve found something better.

The pleasure of sexual purity is infinitely greater than the pleasures of unrestrained sexuality because…

• Only the sexually pure please God
• Only the sexually pure know God
• And because…

III. Only the sexually pure love people (v. 6a with 3:12-13)

One of the greatest lies of our age in regards to our sexuality is that what we do in the privacy of our own bedroom does not affect anyone else. In other words, no sexual behavior harms anyone as long as carried on between two consenting adults. But what God says is that if you are engaging in behavior designed to stimulate or gratify sexual desire in yourself and/or another apart from your spouse, you are sinning against and stealing from others. Do you see that in the first part of v. 6? The only person that the sexually immoral person loves is himself or herself. This is true even if they are engaging in sexual immorality with another person. Lust makes people into objects and causes us to use them, not love them.

The victims of sexual immorality are everywhere around us. How many children are living without one of their parents because of sexual immorality? How many husbands addicted to pornography have demeaned and destroyed their wives? How many shattered lives are the results of sexual infidelity of one form or another? How many extended families have been shredded as one "significant other" after another is brought into family gatherings? How many babies have died in the aborturaries because of what consenting adults have done in the privacy of their own bedrooms? How many lives are now lived with chronic pain or ended prematurely through the gift of a sexually transmitted disease?

50% of the youth in the evangelical churches of America think it is OK to have sexual intercourse if you love the other person, even though you’re not married to that person. It is no loving act to engage in any kind of sexual behavior with a person you are not married to, no matter how much you say you love them. Love wants the best for the other person and therefore love wants the other person to please God and to know God. That means true love fights for the other person’s sexual purity as well as for your own.

The pleasure of sexual purity is infinitely greater than the pleasures of unrestrained sexuality because…

• Only the sexually pure please God
• Only the sexually pure know God
• Only the sexually pure love people
• And because…

IV. Only the sexually pure will inherit eternal life (vv. 6b-8)

What Paul says in vv. 6b to 8 is almost incomprehensible to most people in the church in our day. Paul is writing to professing Christians who he commends throughout this letter for their faithfulness to Christ. Yet, he warns them that God will punish people who engage in sexual immorality. The punishment he is talking about here is the eternal punishment of hell. God is going to avenge himself upon those who do not fight to avoid sexual immorality. Verse 8 shows why this is. When you indulge in sexual immorality you are rejecting God, you are disregarding God. You are saying to God that the pleasures of your sin are more pleasing than he is. God will not be treated like this. He is jealous for his honor and he will not allow himself to be treated with contempt forever.

But also notice v. 7. It gives the reason why God will punish the sexually immoral. He says he will punish the sexually immoral because he did not call us to be impure but to live a holy life. This goes right back to something we’ve talked about many times. I even mentioned this last week. The call of God that Paul is talking about here is the effectual call of God. In other words it is that command of God to the unbelieving sinner that creates what it commands. It’s the call we see in Genesis 1, in the creation. God called into the blackness of nothingness, commanding, "Let there be light." What happened? Light came into existence. The call of God is that call which infallibly creates what it commands. Verse 7 tells us that the call of God creates a Christian that lives a holy life, not a Christian that lives an impure life. The reason God will punish every professing Christian that is living in sexual immorality is because the person who is living in sexual immorality is not a Christian. Commenting on this verse John Piper says, "…there are many professing Christians who have a view of salvation that disconnects it from real life, and that nullifies the warnings of the Bible and puts the sinning person who claims to be a Christian beyond the reach of Biblical threats. And this doctrine is comforting thousands on the way to hell." Paul says that if you live in sexual immorality God will punish you. Please note, I am not saying that Christians can never commit acts of sexual immorality. What I am saying is that they do not live in, they do not practice sexual immorality. When a Christian sins, he hates his sin, he mourns over his sin, he confesses his sin, he cries out for mercy to overcome his sin, he seeks help to fight against his sin, he does not live in his sin.

We are saved by grace through faith. The faith that God gives when he calls us to himself is a faith that perseveres to the end. Every true Christian will successfully fight against their sin. The only people who will be in heaven are those who know that the only reason they are in heaven is because Jesus paid the penalty for their sins by his death and gave them all of his righteousness. But the death of Jesus did not just gain pardon for my sin, it also gained for me the heart changing, affection altering work of the Holy Spirit. The faith that saves me from hell also delivers me from lust. The person who has been given spiritual life is the person who hates their sin and is engaged in an all out war to overcome their sin. This is the language of the Bible. It is why Paul is telling these Christians who appear to be doing so well that they must seek to do even better. In 1 Timothy 6:12 Paul tells Timothy, "Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life." How do you lay hold on eternal life? By fighting the fight of faith, not by asking Jesus into your heart one time or having some kind of religious experience.

The fight of faith calls sin what it is. It does not play around and act like it doesn’t matter how I live. Faith agrees with God that sexual immorality is sin and deserves God’s judgment. But then faith flees to Christ as the one who died for sin and lived to provide righteousness to all who call upon him. So then faith rejoices in the salvation that Christ won and calls out for more grace to fight against sin. Faith holds fast to promises like, "once you were slaves to sin but now you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God." Faith causes us to enlist others in the battle. We tell our sins to another trusted Christian and we ask them to help us to fight against our sins and to remind us of how great Christ is and of how faithful he is.

My dear friends, I know that the gratification of sexual desire outside of the marriage bed promises pleasure. But there are infinite pleasures available for all who will believe not only that Christ will do what he promises but that what he promises is better than every thing else in the world.

The pleasure of sexual purity is infinitely greater than the pleasures of unrestrained sexuality because…

• Only the sexually pure please God
• Only the sexually pure know God
• Only the sexually pure love people
• Only the sexually pure will inherit eternal life

© Copyright 2001 John Swanson.
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